My Insecure October

There’s something about
the month of October
the transition to Fall
maybe it’s Halloween
whatever it is
has granted power to the demon
that dwells within me
a force so strong
with a voice so loud
shouting anti-affirmations
silencing my happy declarations
it manifests itself
at the most inopportune times
negating progress, turning wins
into defeats
it doesn't matter,
I’m just not good enough
no matter how much weight I lose
I’m just not small enough
cursed with adult acne
crippled by public speaking,
not animated enough
not enough management experience
loser, loser, loser
deformative at best
consuming my fragile spirit.