Sunday, September 27, 2009

Scarlet Heart


The tension is so thick
like a callus
protect me
from the constant pressure
I feel
when we’re within
five feet of each other.
Close enough to touch
but we won’t.
Avoiding eye contact
until the accidental
glance-turned-stare.
Once black pupils
now red flames
caused by a scarlet
heart inflamed
with pain.
Make it stop.
If only I could.
But, you’re pregnant
with anger
refusing to birth that rage,
denying the flow of blood
called
love.

Saturday, September 26, 2009

Green Leaves













I, unlock the latches
and open the window
sticking my head out
reaching for the sun.
The leaves,
once green,
turn brown and burnt.
Once infected, now distorted,
wilted, crumpled,
fallen, dead.
But, they still rustle,
dance, and stir
in the day and night,
with each wind that blows,
carrying them away,
emitting fresh air
that permeates
this stifled soul.
A whiff of cedar
wafts by me
almost cosmic.
I need the rush
while I wait
for a warm, wet spring
with green leaves.

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Summer of 1995

Who do you love?
Are you for sure?
Who do you love?
Are you for sure?
Who…do you love?
Are…you…for sure?


Hmmm…I love that song
And not just because LL Cool J is the artist
It takes me back
Summer of 1995
Portsmouth Virginia
Old enough to appreciate
the simple things in life
Too young to know that Portsmouth is not
Ports-mouth

17 and carefree
days consisted of sitting on the porch
with my best friend who
just so happened to be my younger sister
(swatting mosquitos
pass me the calamine lotion)
watching her fall in love
with the boy next door
now three’s a crowd
until I met her boyfriend’s friend

and when the novelty of young crushes
wore off
we formed a girl group with our cousin
practicing dance routines until the
wee hours in the morning
only to come in second place
at a community talent show
still convinced: we’re born-to-be-stars

splitting our $15 winnings three ways at the mall
spotting and eventually shadowing Allen Iverson
ducking behind the clothes racks
whenever he turned around
finally mustering up the nerve
to ask him for his autograph

and when night fell
I wanted nothing more than to win a game
of scrabble against my grandmother
reuniting with my her and my grandfather
after nine years
and meeting my eight-year-old brother
for the first time
wow, he looks just like me
momentous

falling asleep in my dead father’s room
finding comfort in the stillness
and the sound of crickets chirping
a summer full of felicity
summer of 1995
one I’ll never forget

Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Missed but not Forgotten

Eating lunch by the river
we thought we heard your laugh
that infectious laugh that always forced
us to smile and partake in the laughter
But it wasn’t you because
sometime ago, you departed the ranks
to pursue your dreams and touch the lives of others
Despite your absence, you’ve left
your mark and will always be remembered
as the glue that binds us together
while watching the tiny leaf on drifting water
we ambivalently reflect and reminisce:

There comes a time in everyone’s life
when they meet that person
with a genuine heart in the midst
of a world that isn’t very secure
that person that creates a space
that nourishes and supports
imparting a sense of connection
and resonance
that person who is the big sister,
not in the hazing sense
but in the teacher, mentor, and therapist sense
one that we take pleasure in hanging out with
admiring up close and from a far
leading by example, not my mother
but my close friend, confidante,
and sometimes partner in crime (shhh)
that person who remembered
how much I adored her crystal necklace
surprising me with crystal earrings
for Christmas
that person who completely understood
the frustrations of complacency and
encouraged me to spread my wings and fly
that person who stood by my side
when I lost loved ones and fought for my health…

Eyes fixed on the tiny drifting leaf
Neither of us utters a word
Yet the sentiment is unanimous:
You will be missed, but not forgotten.

Thursday, June 4, 2009

Last Night

Last night I turned to you
like I do on most nights
drifting back and forth
between this world and my subconscious
I am unable to sleep
wanting a needed distraction
to drown the chaos down the hall
to calm my trembling hands
(I fear the shadows when the sun sets)
to kill the sensation to cry because
I miss my dead father and
despise the man in the room next door who
gleefully smacks my thighs and pinches my ass
while my mother watches
in angst, later cutting her eyes at me
Damn…what did I do?

Last night I turned to you
like I do on most nights
wanting a friend
needing an ear
I have so much to say
you’re the only one who will listen
when my soul cries out and
the pain is ready to detonate
you never say stop
so I keep going, almost obsessed
flooding your being with my dreams,
sacred secrets, desires, past hurts,
and present triumphs
while blasting Offspring’s “Self-Esteem”…
cathartic release.

23 years later and I never lost touch
How could I?
You were my first and only
guess that means there’s always a place
in my heart, mind, and soul…for you
that place I nurture and turn to when I’m ready
to peel back the layers,
wade through the memories,
heal the scars instead of picking them…
simply express.

Last night I turned to you
like I do on most nights
it was sweet…exciting
and after all these years
I am ready to introduce you to the world
my sun in the midst of darkness
my flower in a weeded desert
in a padded room with no windows,
I still have you…
my gift from God,
my love…
my poetry.